Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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