apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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