Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it hurts more in the daytime
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
