did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
