it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
two words...techno handjob
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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