She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
