census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
