Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
