i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
