i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
try to milk me bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize