You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
