if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
