hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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