Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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