My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize