My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize