She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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