There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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