I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
