To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
