Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
