peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
