you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
