Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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