dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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