Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
