i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
