I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
