you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When are your genitals available?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
