he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
