Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
