so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its liver damage thursday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
