True but thats because hes a fetus.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's rum buckets o'clock
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
