WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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