Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
