She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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