just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
