I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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