College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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