we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
