I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
