So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
