That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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