Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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