The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
