once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
