...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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