twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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