she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
smell my finger.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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