I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
