I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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