hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
