Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
