You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
