Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
