Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
