Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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