The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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