Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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