Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
