I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
