I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
